Regency Plaza Aqua Park and Spa Resort

Having just returned from this hotel, I can honestly say it's the worst hotel I've ever stayed in – so much so that by day two I was already looking at flights home.

We'd arranged a private transfer from the airport, which was straightforward enough, and our first impressions were reasonably positive.

We had booked two rooms – one for myself and my partner, and another for two children. As I joined the holiday later than the rest of the group, I booked separately through Booking.com. Upon arrival, we were told we had "VIP check-in". Don't get too excited – it simply meant checking in at a different desk.

We were then given wristbands, which felt a little outdated. I received a green band, which included Wi-Fi for one device, 24-hour access to alcohol and entry to the so-called "Romance Lounge". The others received blue and red bands, which didn't include Wi-Fi, meaning they had to pay $10 per device for seven days.

The rooms themselves were dated but clean. Ours came with an unexpected feature – whenever you sat on the toilet, you'd receive a few drops of water on your head from above. Judging by the staining on the ceiling, this wasn't a new issue. The beds were also unbelievably hard. If you enjoy a soft mattress, this place is not for you. They looked and felt like something you'd expect to find in a prison cell rather than a holiday resort – and that's coming from someone who actually prefers a firm mattress.

Several lights in the room and on the patio didn't work. We reported these issues, but nothing was ever fixed. So, if we wanted a drink outside in the evening, we had to enjoy it in complete darkness.

After arriving late, around 9pm, we headed to the main restaurant, which we quickly nicknamed "The Canteen". I've never experienced such a chaotic, dirty and unpleasant dining environment. I'm not even going to attempt to describe the food because calling it food feels generous. We ordered a beer, two cokes and a glass of rosé wine. While I appreciate Egypt is hot, I didn't expect every drink to be served warm. Sadly, this became a recurring theme throughout the holiday.

After managing a bread roll and some undercooked chicken, we decided to call it a night and hoped things would look better in the cold light of day.

The next morning, we headed to the pool. Like many people who've visited Egypt, we know that a small tip often goes a long way, and to be fair it certainly did here. We had the same four sunbeds and a large parasol reserved for us throughout our stay, which was appreciated.

The swim-up pool bar, however, was another story. Technically, you could swim up to it and sit at the stools, but actually getting served was a different matter. The working side of the bar faced away from the pool and the staff looked thoroughly fed up.

Thankfully, after a couple of days, we started receiving drinks delivered to our sunbeds, which was a welcome improvement. The beer from the pool bar was also one of the few drinks served reasonably cold. One thing I expected was the occasional person trying to sell excursions or spa treatments around the pool. That's perfectly normal. What I didn't expect was to be approached every five minutes by someone trying to sell something. It became relentless. My polite "No thank you" soon wore thin. One particular individual went as far as pressuring my partner's children into getting henna tattoos, which resulted in a rather direct conversation. I'll leave it at that.

As for the food – where do I start? We've genuinely returned home lighter than when we left. There seemed to be little care or attention given to either quality or presentation. To make matters worse, pigeons and other birds were regularly landing on the buffet, pecking at the food and sitting on serving utensils. It's not funny – it's simply unhygienic and unacceptable.

The drinks weren't much better. If you enjoy a cold drink on holiday, avoid this hotel. Beer was usually warm, the wine was barely drinkable, and soft drinks were often flat. The bar staff generally seemed unhappy to be there. At one point I commented to a barman that he looked exhausted. His reply? "No, I've just been for a smoke – not the usual type." Make of that what you will.

The spirits were equally poor. Whether you ordered vodka, gin or rum, they all tasted remarkably similar. Imagine siphoning petrol from a car and mixing it with fluorescent orange squash – that's about as close as I can describe it.

I've genuinely tried to find positives because I don't enjoy writing negative reviews, but there aren't many.

The shisha was excellent – among the best we've had. The Red Sea itself was absolutely beautiful: warm, crystal clear and full of marine life. Snorkelling was undoubtedly the highlight of the trip.

Unfortunately, great sea views and decent shisha aren't enough to compensate for everything else.

Overall, this was a very disappointing holiday experience, and we certainly won't be returning. I'd normally say, "see for yourself", but honestly, I'd save your money and book somewhere else.

Top chef Mohamed did serve us very good food, lovely place to eat!